Cooking for someone with food allergies or IBS: a guide for partners, parents and hosts

To cook for someone with food allergies or IBS, start by asking exactly what they need to avoid and how strict they need to be, keep the original packaging so they can check labels, and prevent cross-contact by preparing their food first with freshly washed tools. For a food allergy or celiac disease, tiny traces can matter. For IBS, the issue is usually particular ingredients and amounts, and the person can tell you what works for them.

Whether you are a partner learning a new way of cooking, a parent of a child with a new diagnosis, or a host planning a dinner, the goal is the same: a meal that is safe for them and lets them relax and enjoy being included. This guide covers the practical side. It is general information, not medical advice, and it never replaces the person's own judgment or their doctor's guidance.

These conditions can look similar from the outside ("they can't eat X"), but the stakes and the kitchen rules are different. Always follow the person's lead.

In the US, the FDA recognizes nine major food allergens: milk, eggs, fish, crustacean shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, wheat, soybeans and sesame, which was added by the FASTER Act from January 1, 2023 (FDA). The CDC notes there is no cure for food allergies, and strict avoidance is the only way to prevent a reaction (CDC).

Food Allergy Research & Education (FARE) explains that cross-contact happens when one food touches another and their proteins mix, leaving amounts too small to see but enough to cause reactions. It is different from bacterial cross-contamination: cooking does not remove an allergen from food (FARE).

FARE gives clear examples: peeling cheese off a cheeseburger, picking shrimp out of a salad, or scraping peanut butter off bread does not make the food safe. Neither does flipping a burger with a spatula that just touched cheese, or wiping a knife instead of washing it.

1. Wash first. Use utensils, cutting boards and pans that have been thoroughly washed with soap and water. Some families color-code tools kept for safe food.
2. Cook the safe meal first. If you are making several dishes, FARE suggests preparing the allergy-safe food first.
3. Cover it and set it apart. Keep safe food covered and away from anything that might splatter.
4. Wash hands with soap and water. FARE notes soap and water or commercial wipes remove allergens; sanitizing gel or water alone does not.
5. Scrub counters and tables with soap and water once the meal is made.
6. If you make a mistake, start over. You can't remove an allergen from a meal; even a small amount of cross-contact makes it unsafe.

For celiac disease, crumbs are the main hazard. The Gluten Intolerance Group (GIG) suggests a gluten-free area in the fridge or pantry, ideally on a top shelf so crumbs can't fall onto it; separate or carefully washed tools, with extra attention to wooden utensils, cutting boards, nonstick pans and sponges; toaster bags, since toasters are hard to wash; and caution with colanders, strainers and flour sifters, which trap gluten in crevices (GIG). GIG also recommends splitting shared spreads into separate labeled containers so no one double-dips, and remembering that shared frying oil can carry gluten. See gluten-free vs. celiac-safe for why the distinction matters.

Many people with IBS follow a low-FODMAP approach or know their own triggers. Garlic and onion are high in fructans, one of the FODMAP groups, and they hide in stocks, sauces, spice blends and marinades. Our guide to hidden garlic and onion lists where they tend to turn up.

• Ask about their specific triggers. Two people with IBS can tolerate very different foods.
• Flavor with infused oil. Monash University explains that the fructans in garlic and onion dissolve in water but not in oil, so infused oils carry the flavor without those FODMAPs (Monash FODMAP). Store-bought infused oils certified by Monash have been lab tested.
• Keep sauces on the side. It lets everyone add what suits them.
• Mind the portion. For FODMAPs, dose matters; a small amount of an ingredient may sit well when a big helping does not. See FODMAP portion sizes.
• Skip the pressure. Never urge someone to "just try a bit." They know their body.

Many people with food restrictions feel like a burden at shared meals. A matter-of-fact question, asked early and privately, takes a lot of that weight off. Some phrases that work:

• "I'd love to cook something you can enjoy. What do you need me to avoid, and how careful do I need to be?"
• "Is a trace from a shared pan a problem, or is it more about the ingredient itself?"
• "Are there brands you trust? I'll keep all the packaging so you can check."
• "Would you rather bring a dish, or tell me what to buy? Either is completely fine."
• "Any foods you love that I could build the meal around?"

Then believe the answer. Don't ask them to justify it, and don't comment on what's on their plate at the table. If they choose to bring their own food or eat only part of the meal, that is a reasonable way of keeping themselves well, not a reflection on your cooking.

The CDC estimates that about 1 in 13 children (8%), roughly two students per classroom, have food allergies (CDC). The CDC and the U.S. Department of Education developed Voluntary Guidelines for Managing Food Allergies in Schools and Early Care and Education Programs, which cover daily management for each child, emergency preparedness, staff training, education for children and families, and a safe environment.

1. Meet with the school early. Ask how they put a food allergy plan in place for an individual child, who is trained, and where medication is kept.
2. Complete an emergency care plan with your child's doctor. The CDC points families to plans such as FARE's Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Emergency Care Plan.
3. Teach your child not to share food, drinks or utensils, as FARE recommends, in words that suit their age.
4. Brief every caregiver. Grandparents, sitters and friends' parents need the same information: what to avoid, how to read labels, and what to do in an emergency.
5. Send safe snacks for parties and class treats so your child is included.

For a child with IBS or celiac disease, a short note for teachers about bathroom access and safe snacks can make school days much easier. Your child's doctor or dietitian can help you decide what to share.

The kindest meal is one where the person with restrictions eats the same thing as everyone else, or something just as appealing, without fuss. Some ideas:

• Build-your-own meals such as taco bowls, grain bowls or baked potatoes, with toppings in separate bowls and their own serving spoons.
• Serve the safe portion first, ahead of anyone else, so spoons from other dishes never touch it.
• Label dishes at a buffet or potluck with their main ingredients.
• Make the safe dish the main event, not a separate plate on the side.

If someone has a severe allergic reaction: FARE's guidance is to give epinephrine immediately, then call 911 and tell the dispatcher the person is having a severe allergic reaction and may need epinephrine when responders arrive. Lay them flat with legs raised unless they are struggling to breathe or vomiting, in which case let them sit up or lie on their side. They should go to the emergency room even if symptoms ease, and stay for at least 4 hours, since symptoms can return (FARE). Always follow the person's own physician-signed plan and ask where they keep their medication.

For more on helping someone order safely away from home, see talking to restaurant staff about allergies.